I wish I could teleport
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
