And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
