i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
