he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
