I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
where are my eyebrows?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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