Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Text me some of your sweat
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