I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
