So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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