So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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