To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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