I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
