Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
