u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
