I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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