I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
