i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
