Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
