So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
