is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
