Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
