me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sorry my hands just texted you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
