The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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