Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
