I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
