So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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