margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
