Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
