Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
