i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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