..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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