You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
