I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
