Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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