jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
