Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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