I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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