How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
