Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
