Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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