This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
