You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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