Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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