I wish my penis had an off switch
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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