Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
