I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
