I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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