We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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