She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
