I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
