I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
