marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
