So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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