Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
