I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
